[ He won't question the message, nor point out Chuuya's present state. There's an underlying urgency within the whole of the conversation's delivery that speaks of importance. That alone takes precedence over his natural urge to rile Chuuya up all for the sake of seeing him respond, by nothing more than Dazai's own words or actions. ]
[ It's a blessing and a curse to hear those words, but that's far from where his feeling end. Dazai is a man of eternal questions, reassessing and reevaluating every feasible possibility until all the outcomes are accounted for. Tonight, this news is no different.
Unfortunately it comes layered atop the sort of dread that leaves his veins running cold as ice, and vision tunneling for a moment in a wave of panic he doesn't have the luxury or time to afford wallowing in.
It's eventually compartmentalized away; an act of regaining his composure thankfully made all the easier since his hand has settled over top the camera, darkening the screen and obscuring everything from Chuuya's view. It's a precautionary measure, but not entirely necessary since he'd been lying down during the call and not facing the screen.
The silence and his breathing stretch on as the only proof that something is off, and it lasts until Dazai doesn't feel like he's swallowing water instead of air. ]
...Why would you do something like that?
[ His words come off chilly and severe, ultimately sounding harsher than he intends them to. But a defensive, cold as ice level of numbness rises to the surface where fear prefers to root itself in his gut. And all he can think of is the idea of Chuuya doing this- without him, without asking him, without Dazai even knowing.
Chuuya could have died.
Had Corrutpion worked then Chuuya would be dead right now, and Dazai may have not known until someone else informed the network or he heard it in passing through the grapevine. ]
If you'd have asked, I would have been there.
[ Because Dazai has always been there. And above the realization that Corruption apparently isn't manifesting, beyond what that means for Chuuya or even how it changes the part Dazai plays in his life-
Chuuya doing his best to call forth an unstoppable destructive force that Dazai has always been there to quell, forever being the sole person to fill the role of pulling Chuuya's life back from falling over the brink, all without so much as letting him know? That feels like something he can't put a name to. ]
I would've trusted your decision. And stayed with you as a precaution.
[ That's not the extent of what he wants to admit. Not when these words only express partial feelings or mere half-truths, when what he wants to say begins with 'I would have been there for you.' and ends with 'However you needed me.'
The aftermath of Corruption leaves Chuuya weak in every manner, pushed past his limitations and beyond those any normal person's body, mind or soul could withstand.
Dazai has always been the one to care for Chuuya once the dust settles; to wipe his face clean and fold clothing Chuuya has strewn across the battlefield, in acts of tenderness his partner barely realizes. He's the one who carries Chuuya to safety, when he's been rendered vulnerable and defenseless as a newborn kitten.
Even if Corruption hadn't worked, some part of him feels amiss for not filling his timeless role in Chuuya's life. Because there still had been an 'after'. The emotional toll Chuuya must have endured after being stripped of an ability that is so deeply tied to himself, to Arahabaki, is one that Dazai can only imagine he didn't simply shrug off. ]
Chuuya- [ Neither defection, years apart or even the absence of Corruption changes Dazai's rightful place at his partner's side. ] I'm here now, you know.
[ Dazai can't undo missing that crucial moment, where Chuuya faced the darkness with his life on the line, and came out with the knowledge that something intimately connected to him had been cut off from his reach. Nor is it possible to go back and be there for his partner while that realization ate at him from the inside out, looming over his thoughts for days or weeks afterward.
But Dazai can be right here, in whatever capacity Chuuya needs. ]
I've been a thorn in your side, sabotaging your every attempt at going out in a blaze of glory for so long...
[ The camera finally sees light again. But he only removes the barricade in order to see Chuuya without reciprocating; ensuring the angle of the screen doesn't directly catch sight of him when he can't quite school his face into something impassive. ]
Well, it seems I've forgotten how to abandon the post.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-12 05:43 am (UTC)[ He won't question the message, nor point out Chuuya's present state. There's an underlying urgency within the whole of the conversation's delivery that speaks of importance. That alone takes precedence over his natural urge to rile Chuuya up all for the sake of seeing him respond, by nothing more than Dazai's own words or actions. ]
Go ahead, I'm listening.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-12 06:10 am (UTC)Unfortunately it comes layered atop the sort of dread that leaves his veins running cold as ice, and vision tunneling for a moment in a wave of panic he doesn't have the luxury or time to afford wallowing in.
It's eventually compartmentalized away; an act of regaining his composure thankfully made all the easier since his hand has settled over top the camera, darkening the screen and obscuring everything from Chuuya's view. It's a precautionary measure, but not entirely necessary since he'd been lying down during the call and not facing the screen.
The silence and his breathing stretch on as the only proof that something is off, and it lasts until Dazai doesn't feel like he's swallowing water instead of air. ]
...Why would you do something like that?
[ His words come off chilly and severe, ultimately sounding harsher than he intends them to. But a defensive, cold as ice level of numbness rises to the surface where fear prefers to root itself in his gut. And all he can think of is the idea of Chuuya doing this- without him, without asking him, without Dazai even knowing.
Chuuya could have died.
Had Corrutpion worked then Chuuya would be dead right now, and Dazai may have not known until someone else informed the network or he heard it in passing through the grapevine. ]
If you'd have asked, I would have been there.
[ Because Dazai has always been there. And above the realization that Corruption apparently isn't manifesting, beyond what that means for Chuuya or even how it changes the part Dazai plays in his life-
Chuuya doing his best to call forth an unstoppable destructive force that Dazai has always been there to quell, forever being the sole person to fill the role of pulling Chuuya's life back from falling over the brink, all without so much as letting him know? That feels like something he can't put a name to. ]
no subject
Date: 2018-06-12 07:41 am (UTC)[ That's not the extent of what he wants to admit. Not when these words only express partial feelings or mere half-truths, when what he wants to say begins with 'I would have been there for you.' and ends with 'However you needed me.'
The aftermath of Corruption leaves Chuuya weak in every manner, pushed past his limitations and beyond those any normal person's body, mind or soul could withstand.
Dazai has always been the one to care for Chuuya once the dust settles; to wipe his face clean and fold clothing Chuuya has strewn across the battlefield, in acts of tenderness his partner barely realizes. He's the one who carries Chuuya to safety, when he's been rendered vulnerable and defenseless as a newborn kitten.
Even if Corruption hadn't worked, some part of him feels amiss for not filling his timeless role in Chuuya's life. Because there still had been an 'after'. The emotional toll Chuuya must have endured after being stripped of an ability that is so deeply tied to himself, to Arahabaki, is one that Dazai can only imagine he didn't simply shrug off. ]
Chuuya- [ Neither defection, years apart or even the absence of Corruption changes Dazai's rightful place at his partner's side. ] I'm here now, you know.
[ Dazai can't undo missing that crucial moment, where Chuuya faced the darkness with his life on the line, and came out with the knowledge that something intimately connected to him had been cut off from his reach. Nor is it possible to go back and be there for his partner while that realization ate at him from the inside out, looming over his thoughts for days or weeks afterward.
But Dazai can be right here, in whatever capacity Chuuya needs. ]
I've been a thorn in your side, sabotaging your every attempt at going out in a blaze of glory for so long...
[ The camera finally sees light again. But he only removes the barricade in order to see Chuuya without reciprocating; ensuring the angle of the screen doesn't directly catch sight of him when he can't quite school his face into something impassive. ]
Well, it seems I've forgotten how to abandon the post.